A New Thing

Me at Disney with my precious boys: Arlis 10, Linus 6, Texas, 3. They're all a year older now!

Would you believe I actually started writing this post well over a year ago? I had the title picked out and everything: A New Thing. And yes, I was going to change the name of my blog to match it. It was 5 years after my grandmother, "Meme" had passed away and for some reason I put off writing--for FIVE YEARS. I didn't even realize it had been 5 years until I logged into my blog and sat, staring shamefully, looking at the screen. Five years. If I'm honest with myself, and with you, it wasn't "for some reason" that I put off writing. It was grief. The last post I had written was about her. Her house, her funeral, her memories. And as much as it honored her and as much as I loved writing and writing about her, I didn't want to look at it. It made me miss her and it made sad. I even get misty-eyed thinking about it now. Sometimes I can be the ultimate avoider. Have you ever found yourself avoiding the hard stuff because it's...well...hard? 

I had prayed a lot over the last 5 years about whether I should continue to write and I'd always felt like I should...but I was too chicken to do it. Not just because I was afraid of my emotions. I was just afraid in general. I don't hold a degree in writing. And who am I to think people want to hear what I have to say? But then in 2021 some things happened at the end of the year that inspired me to start 2022 fresh. And I was geared up all the way around! I had church goals, I had horse goals, I had music goals, and I had writing goals; if you had a category for it, I had a goal for it. I think I bought 3 or 4 planners, multiple journals, lots of my favorite pens (so important right?? 😜), 2022 was going to be IT. I was going to be the brave girl my Meme would expect of a Casey woman and so I sat down and began the tedious process of finally updating my page. 

And then, I got cancer. Cue the "screech/halt" sound effect. Maybe the sound of a record scratching to a stop. (Because that's exactly what happened in my mind.) No, God, I'm not writing about this. Nope. Not right now. I can't even process this, God. Give me a minute. I just need a minute.

And so all my 2022 goals fell to the wayside. What was so important to accomplish in those moments instantly became unimportant. There was no avoiding this. Cancer. You can't look away from it and deal with it when it's convenient or when you "feel like it" if you want to carry on living. As much as I wanted to curl into the fetal position and hide underneath and amongst my 17+ pillows (I have somewhat of a pillow addiction, much to my husband's great dismay) with the covers over my head, I had to do this. My choice was, avoid it, deny it, look away from it, and ultimately die. Or face it, and and have a chance to live. I had to choose to be Meme's brave girl again, but faster.

I'm grateful for cancer. Oh not because of the suffering, the surgery, the baldness, or the throwing up, but for the perspective that the suffering has brought me. Like James talks about in the New Testament, our trials and the testing of our faith produces perseverance. And we should consider it joy when the testing of our faith happens. I don't know about you, but I don't see life getting any easier and I KNOW I'm going to need some perseverance. I used to think the joy part was bonkers. I likened it to the people on the pharmaceutical commercials with horrible diseases who look thrilled that they have the disease even though they're taking a drug that gives them side effects worse than the disease itself. But I truly understand it now. Here it is: If there weren't great purpose for me, my husband, and my family I would have died back in 2008 when my liver failed. The hope for the future gives me great joy. The vision we have for our church gives me great joy. The dreams we have for serving our community give me great joy. I have great joy because cancer has given me perseverance, hope, expectation, and wisdom.

Right now I'm cancer free as I continue to be treated at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, FL, and I plan to stay cancer free for as long as He will have me on this side of heaven. I want to continue to share parts of my journey with you, along with some lessons I've learned and I'm still learning along the way. The new thing I thought I was embarking on in 2022 is a different new thing, a better thing. If you want to come with me there's always room for one more at our table, just like at my Meme and Pepe's house.

 More soon. 💕

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 

Ecclesiastes 3:11

All done! Not as bad as I thought. I do miss my
long hair a lot more than I thought I would!

Head shaving day back in July...
halfway there...

 

If you have any questions or just want to chat, you can email me at sarahcaseyfl@gmail.com or reach me via social media at the links below. I'd love to hear from you!